Fresh oranges!

We love our orange tree! It may only be a dwarf tree but it sure produces lots of delicious oranges! Every year I anticipate their sweet taste and scent. I am so grateful for our yummy oranges... I just wish there was a way to preserve them. :)

VT reports

Today I am finalizing the VT reports for our ward's December visits. So far it looks promising! I am grateful that so many sisters were able to take the time for others during the holiday season to let them know that they are important.

The Cycles of Life

As I wrote the post title all I could think of was the line in "Runaway Bride"... "They love you, they hate you, they're hot, they're cold, they're high, they're up, they're down." That description pretty much sums up my cycles of life...probably yours too. Of course the 'they' that they were referring to was women, but it still works here, in my mind at least... seeing as how I am a woman. Why shouldn't it apply to my emotions as well?

Yesterday was not a stellar day for me. I was upset, and I wasn't really sure what I was upset about, but I sure was. My life is not perfect. I am not always happily going about my day - serving others, doing good, being nice, studying the gospel, bettering myself, cooking amazing meals, always eating healthy, exercising daily, etc., etc., etc. Actually, my days are filled with running errands, fitting in a session on my recumbent bike here and there, trying to eat right (often failing), talking with my daughter (sometimes other children), making sure my visiting teaching is completed (and my calling is up to date), taking care of our home (cooking, cleaning, organizing, budgeting, doing laundry, etc.), taking care of my mom's needs, sometimes reading or watching a little TV, and spending some time on the computer (blogging, paying bills, checking emails, etc). Seems like there are a whole lot of "etc's" in my life!

Having a horrible, awful day, yesterday I decided that I need to figure some things out. Here is the thing: I am generally a happy, positive person. I am so very grateful for my husband, our family, for the gospel in my life. That all means the world to me - I can't even begin to tell you how important they are in my life, or what deep happiness they bring to my life. I recognize the great blessings that I have, I really do.

But there has been something missing.

I've known that for quite some time now. I've had discussions with Pat about it, and he is always quick to point out how much I do for our family, for others, and what a wonderful person I am. (his words, not mine)

Here is the problem... I don't believe it. I don't believe that I am amazing or wonderful. When I was serving in the Stake RS Presidency I felt inadequate ALL the time. Why? Because I was, and am.

This is so not easy to admit, and I'm not asking for pity or attention, or anything of that sort. I am just sharing, like I always do on here, to anyone out there who happens to be 'listening'.

What I have come to understand is that I need to care for myself as much as I care for others. I wouldn't be hard on Pat or our children if they came to me telling me how inadequate they feel, or even to another person. I get that we are on our own journey here on earth, with our very own set of challenges that we face, sometimes even demons that we face. My challenge is me. Fun, right? Not so much. But, I don't think I am alone in this, though I certainly feel like I am right now.

What is the solution? I'm not sure. So, tomorrow I am fasting to help me figure it out. Once I figure it out I will probably share it on here. I've even considered (again) stopping blogging, but I think it is good for me to feel connected with whomever reads this, thus allowing me to share what I am grateful for on my journey.

Getting to the root of the 'problem' is important, so that is what I am going to do. How can I expect to be who I am meant to be if I can't even get past myself? (sounds strange, but I understand what I mean) I  know that I am a good-hearted, caring person. I simply need to apply that to me, so that is what I am going to be working on. I know that I need to feel like I can do more than contribute to everyone else's happiness; that I need to feel like I can be successful at something. I am working on it, and I will find it, whatever 'it' is.

Temple friends

Last night Pat and I went to the temple. The wonderful part was that everything I did last night involved our friends, the Sherrill's. I am grateful that our temple experience was made even more special by our friend's service.

Light bulb moments

A few months ago we moved furniture around in our home. One of the things we moved was a bookcase from the hallway to our bedroom. I figured that way it would, a) not be in the way when the kids came home to visit, b) not be in the way of my mom with her walker, and c) be very useful for Pat to put all of his church books/notebooks on. When I organized the bookcase I put his church things on the top shelf. Several weeks later I was in talking with my mom and we heard a loud crash. I assumed Missy had gotten into something, but she sat there quietly looking at me with concern on her face. (note: for my mom to hear the crash means that it was REALLY loud! she knows that as well.)

I went into our bedroom and found, to my dismay, that all the items on the top shelf of the bookcase had fallen as the bookshelf objected to their weight. *Sigh*  I then cleaned up the mess and reorganized said shelf.

One of the other events that took place is that we had our Christmas tree in our great room. In doing so we needed to move the rocking chair and an end table into our bedroom. While it was in there Pat adapted to putting some of his things on the end table. It just so happens that it also was a convenient spot for Missy to look outside, since it was up next to Pat's window.

Pat wanted me to get some other item of furniture (a bookcase, something of that nature) so that he could house all his church things under the window, and Missy could continue to have her perch. (He is so much nicer than me)

And then, yesterday, unexpectedly, I had a light bulb moment while I was on the phone with Amy. I glanced over at the bookcase and the thought struck me, why not move all the other books in the bookcase up to other shelves and put Pat's church stuff on the bottom shelf that can hold that weight?  Sometimes the obvious escapes us, seriously. After getting off the phone with Amy I got to work and rearranged the bookcase, yet again.

When Pat came home I showed him what I did. He, and I, both felt pretty stupid that we hadn't thought of that right off. Oh well. I really am grateful for simple lightbulb moments that strike when we least expect them. They sure help us out in life!

One more quick story. We have tile in our entryway. Obviously since it's the entry into our home it gets a good deal of traffic. Well, I've been cleaning that tile consistently over the nearly ten years we've been in our home, and lately it hasn't been as clean as I'd like it to be. I've even noticed on Pinterest how you can get tile cleaner to get rid of all that dirt that has been accumulating for years. I haven't been able to find any of that around here though, and honestly, I don't look that often because it isn't a priority. However, a few weeks ago I looked at that dirty tile and resolved to find something to clean it better with. Then, I had another lightbulb moment - why not try and use the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser's that I get all the time for cleaning other things? I wasn't sure if we had any or not, then I found a four pack under our kitchen sink. So, today I decided to try it - it works amazingly well. With little effort it took off that grime that has been bugging me for a while now. I am so happy and grateful that it works!

Delightful Emma!

This past weekend Rach and I were discussing how she had just watched the PBS series "Jane Eyre". (and that I need to read the book before watching said movie) I started looking on Amazon Prime to see if it was on there any longer, it isn't. So, I was directed to other similar movies and found "Emma". Only, this time it isn't with Gwyneth Paltrow. This time it is a 4 hour BBC series, and it is wonderful! I laughed and nearly cried! It is SO much better than the movie! I simply loved it, and find myself quite grateful for it. :)

You should watch it! It is worth every moment.

Happy 2013!

Last Sunday I was ill. I went to Sacrament meeting, had the opportunity to be administered to for my health, then went home. I decided that I wanted to watch the Conference talk that they would be discussing in Relief Society, since I was unable to be there. I have read the talk before in my normal studies, but I hadn't really seen it since Amy's family was here and there were busy little boys keeping us, well, busy! (It's okay with me, I love them that much!)

This talk was given by President Dieter Uchtdorf, and is entitled, "Of Regrets and Resolutions". The premise of his talk is about a nurse that interviewed her patients that were terminally ill, asking them "do you have any regrets?"  Three of the answers were:

1. I wish I had spent more time with the people that I love.
2. I wish I had lived up to my potential.
3. I wish I had let myself be happier.

President Uchtdorf is certainly one of my favorite speakers, as are quite a few others, I admit! He just seems to get to the heart of whatever he is conveying. He goes on to tell us in his talk about how we can resolve to not have the regrets mentioned by; choosing to spend more time with our family and those we love, to work on becoming the person that our Heavenly Father wants us to be, and finally, to find happiness regardless of our circumstances.

Those all seem like really obvious things to do, and sometimes they may seem like a tall order, what with our imperfections and all. I was talking to Amy about this talk yesterday and I told her that this talk made me feel like I want to be better, to try harder...but not in a guilt-ridden, negative way. Rather it felt like a new beginning, a rebirth, for my soul. Reading this talk is so positive and uplifting that you can't help but feel that way. Nothing is insurmountable when it comes to improving ourselves; as long as we take it one step at a time and don't expect to hurdle each and every imperfection that we have in our lives.

This will sound kind of crazy/silly...but one of my first steps was to remove each and every game from my Kindle Fire. I have no need of that in my life, what I do have a need for is reading good books that help me to be a better person in general; like "Jane Eyre", which I am currently reading! (Thanks Rach for the recommendation!)

I am grateful for this New Year! For the hope and positive outlook that we can have if we just look in the right places to find it. We truly are so blessed, and I am so very grateful.